I know that you might think it’s funny to press all of the eight lift floor buttons just before you get out at the ground floor but I’ll tell you something: it’s not, especially when you’re waiting in the basement for that lift which is already one of the slowest lifts in the world. Luckily on this occasion I didn’t have any takeway food with me that was diminishing in quality due to those peskily irresistible laws of thermodynamics but let me tell you this: if I actually catch you doing it you will get a very rude education in what a man with a loud, booming voice and some very choice words can do to your quaint sense of humour.

Cheers,
Your fellow lift user and the voice of fucking reason,
Chris